I came to a sudden realization today with one text message…it was nothing most people would consider mind boggling or eye opening in what it said…anyone could have said it…

It was how it made me feel.

Teddy bear…oh God babe….you’re it.

What I don’t think I made clear in the post about going to his house that night…was the moment I heard his voice that night…all the torment, all the pain, I’ve felt for so long was gone…sounds stupid right?

It’s so true though…I dont’ expect anyone to understand…but so little was said that night…and yet it spoke volumes…when I laid beside him, put my head on his chest…I felt something I’ve never really felt before. I still can’t define as anything other than peace….

I just cried a lil bit remembering that…and remembering how I feel every time I get a text asking how I am…

You all know that I had one of the internet’s bad boys trying to woo me. Last night he promised me the same kind of peace…when I asked him how that would work…how things would work with us…he couldn’t answer me…

I don’t have to wait for answer with my teddy bear…he’s here…he’s real…my peace is with him…always if he’ll have me. I told him that I would walk through a hornet’s next the other night to be with him again, and I would. I’d take every ounce of pain that I’ve been through in this life to feel the way I feel with him…

He told me tonight that he thought of me all day…oh lord..I’m reading his text..and there it is again…that subtle knowing…that feeling of peace.

Whoever is running this shit show that has been my life…let me have him always…


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